There's more to me than "Mommy"…but not by much!

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Who are you, really? January 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — stephaniesings @ 12:04 am

Has anybody tried to box you in before?  You know, assume they know who you are and what you are all about based on the “labels” you wear.  Labels like mother, teacher, minister’s wife, homemaker, musician, etc.  Maybe you box yourself in.  I did and still do sometimes.

It’s sometimes hard to find your identity outside of your children when they’re under your feet all day- day in and day out.  Don’t misunderstand me, though.  It is right and proper for our identities to be intertwined.  But not meshed.  Meshed identities can be real problems.  The only analogy I can think of that might work is like mixing playdoh.  When you mix yellow and purple playdoh together, you just have a mess and you can’t unseparate them again.  It’s just one big muddy lump of playdoh now.  Not the two beautiful colors it was before.  To be intertwined like rope, though, is to be influenced but not destroyed by the other one.  Separate the twine and it will curl as it did while joined but it’s still it’s own piece of twine.  It didn’t lose it’s identity to the other piece like the playdoh did.  Does that make any sense?  Probably not.  I’ve been called a weirdo before.  I guess they were right.

Anyway, I’d love to continue waxing eloquent on this issue but it’s closing in on dinnertime so I’m needed in the kitchen.  (Plus, the longer I stay here, the colder it gets outside and the colder I will be when I walk home…not to mention that my adoring and adorable husband is worried about me…I’m on my way, honey!  Keep the home fires burnin’!)

So, I’ll leave you with this thought to ponder…Are you playdoh or twine?  I’d love to hear your comments!

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3 Responses to “Who are you, really?”

  1. justinlillard Says:

    I think your illustration was fine, honey. I just don’t know how far I’d apply it. For example, doesn’t the Bible say that in marriage “the two shall become one flesh”? I think your distinctions between integrating and enmeshing are valid…but we really need to put these principles through a crucible of testing before we apply them to any particular aspect of life.

    Bye the way, for anyone else who is wondering: Dinner was great!

    — Stephanie’s adoring and adorable husband

  2. danieljtomlinson Says:

    You know what? I really like this blog. Carey and I were playdough even recently, but I think we are twine just in recent days to be honest. Marriage and parenthood are hard, and I foresee them getting harder, but the rewards will be even greater!

    I want deep connections, but I don’t want co-dependency. Life is just fraught with paradox. There’s always two ways about it. I want to walk humbly with my God, but I want to soar on wings like eagles too!

    As I contemplate this analogy, I have to say that given any topic of life I’d love to say I take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ, but I don’t. Sometimes I say or blog too much, but other times I don’t speak when I should.

    So how can I integrate at the intersections of my life without becoming enmeshed in unhealthy ways?

    • stephaniesings Says:

      Great question. I don’t know that I have an answer. The best I can think up is to make yourself vulnerable and don’t hold back but to not “lose yourself” in the process. For example, cater to everyone’s whim at the expense of your family or some personal time. I’m not talking about being a recluse but we all need quiet moments to ourselves to reflect and contemplate life and to sort through what we think. Can you sit in a quiet room by yourself and be ok with that or in other words, are you comfortable in your own skin? Is it ok for others to disagree with you or do you feel insecure or threatened when they do? Those could be signs of an unhealthy relationship but then again, it’s really more of a case by case in my opinion.
      Thanks for taking the time to visit and comment on my blog. I’m glad you like it. That makes me feel good inside!


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