There's more to me than "Mommy"…but not by much!

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Order! I will have order in my house! April 20, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — stephaniesings @ 5:16 pm
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Chocolate syrup on the mattress.  Broken window.  Crayon markings on the walls.  Clutter EVERYWHERE!  Never ending laundry and dishes.  And the disorder is not limited physically.  Sibling rivalry, tantrums, me constantly sounding like a broken record, potty training challenges (which exacerbates the laundry condition, not to mention the nerves).  AND I’d like my and my darling husband’s relationship to include more than being mere roommates.  (In no way am I suggesting this is his fault.  He is wonderful.  Our marriage is quite solid which is why I’d like more time alone with him.  Life just is what it is right now.)

Typical responses from others that are not helpful:  “Keep a positive attitude.  Concentrate on the good.  Be patient; it will get better with time.  Don’t lose your sense of humor.  Justin should be helping you more.  This is another reason why you don’t need to homeschool.”, etc.  Advice about what I’m doing wrong and how to fix it; criticisms or judgmentalism about what an untidy house I keep or my kids’ behavior do NOT help.  It’s not funny anymore and I don’t have the energy nor willpower to improve my attitude.  My patience is gone.

There is a time and a place for suggestions but I don’t want to hear it right now.  I already know that I’m a contributor to the problem and I could do better.  For instance, I could refrain from writing this and get back to the task at hand.  I need more self-discipline, I admit it.  Just let me vent for now, PLEASE.

I’m a mother of 3 children ages 5, 3 1/2, and 2.  Just when one begins to lessen the frequency of an inappropriate or annoying behavior, the next one picks it up.  I love my kids.  I like having them at home and enjoy spending time with them.  They bring me great joy and are as sweet as pie.  I just feel like other families “have it all together” and here I am drowning in chaos and hanging on to a thread of sanity.

The stress level in my house (not to mention my mind) is enormous and overwhelming.  I feel like I’m being hit from every side and have had my fill of it.  Something has to change and fast.  I keep thinking if I could just get the house under control PHYSICALLY, then I could take control of the intangible problems we’re facing.  But there always seems to be some “fire to put out”…appointments to be made or kept, errands to run, applications to fill out, dinner to cook, laundry to do, kids in need of something at the most inconvenient times.  {Even as I’m typing this, one is running through the house while another begins to cry under toe (our little drama queen)}.  So, the physical aspect doesn’t improve and projects that I hope to undertake wait yet another day.  I’m tired of being the hose…or is God the hose?  Yes, I suppose God is the hose.  I’m tired of being the fireman.

So now I’m labeled “the complainer” or “the downer” that no one wants to be around or the one who needs serious help.  I DO need serious help but not in the form of mere words.  Come walk in my shoes for a day, nay, a week and then tell me what I should do.  But that’s another thing, why do I care what other people think?  Why do I compare myself to others who “have it all together”?  Give it to God, you say.  I know.  I’m a huge advocate of that advice and I’m trying to heed it.  But for now, I’ll pound my gavel, do what I can to improve…and pray, pray, pray.

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